Critics say it's "awe-inspiring," "mesmerizing" and "floods you with elemental passion."
Writer and director James Cameron says it's a "$200-million chick flick."
Theatre owners say it's a "phenomenon that brings back to memory films such as Lawrence of Arabia, Gone With the Wind and Doctor Zhivago."
I say, "What's up with this? The movie's been out for almost two months, and the lineup is all the way around the corner and down the block? Man, it's freezing outside!"
Ah, Titanic. How do we love thee? Let us count the ways.
First, you're a box-office success of unprecedented scope, poised to outstrip Steven Spielberg's pack of digital dinosaurs as the all-time world-wide moneymaker.
(Those are dollar signs you see dancing in the eyes of studio heads, theatre chains and anyone else in a position to make a buck off this picture, especially after today's Academy Award nominations are announced.)
Second, you're three movies in one: A historical docudrama, a weepy love story and a special-effects bonanza. Something there to please everyone from little Bobby next door to your great-grandma.
(Those are tears of adolescent anguish you see in the eyes of 14-year-old girls, watching Leonardo DiCaprio's lovable ruffian sink to the bottom of the North Atlantic - for the 11th time.)
IT'S EVERYWHERE. IT'S EVERYWHERE
Third, you're omnipresent. On more movie screens than there are stale wads of gum stuck to the bottoms of theatre seats. On the top of the best-seller list and music charts. Expected to dominate the Oscars. Not to mention TV, magazines, newspapers, radio, the Internet and maybe the artwork of some primitive tribe in Borneo.
(Those are glazed-over looks you see in the eyes of Joe Commuter, hearing Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On for the quadrillionth time on the drive to work.)
But, as Seinfeld might say, "What's the deal with this Titanic movie? You know how it ends. The ship sinks. Why not stay home and rent a video?"
Really, what is the deal? I liked Titanic. I didn't love it or fall into a state of rapturous bliss or leave the theatre weeping and wringing my hands. I'm not going to start my own Titanic religion or name my first child White Star. I liked it. End of story.
Of course, I only saw it last weekend, and that was only because I knew I'd be writing about it this week. Otherwise, I would have waited even longer, until the hype machine ran out of fuel and cooled off a bit.
"The problem with hype is it can really ruin a good movie," says Jacques Benoit, host of ACCESS-TV's Movies Worth Watching and a rabid James Cameron fan.
"You're dealing with expectations, and that can change the movie experience for you."
Yeah, I'll say. One co-worker, who has seen the film three times (that's nearly 10 hours of viewing) declared Titanic the best movie of all time.
Others with even more time on their hands have formed groups of so-called Titaniacs, holding crying parties while listening to the movie's soundtrack and taking cold showers to feel the pain of the young lovers dumped into the frigid North Atlantic waters.
BACKLASH EXPECTED
As the lights dim and the curtain rises, it's a little difficult to dispense with preconceived notions after hearing those kinds of, er, testimonials.
And, of course, as with anything enormously popular with the mainstream, a backlash is to be expected.
Entertainment Weekly's Jess Cagle, who suggested the $200 million would have been better spent on a Postman sequel, waded in first with the announcement of a 12-step anti-Titanic support group. Step 1: "We are powerless over our good taste in movies."
And posted on EW's Web site yesterday as part of a raging debate over Titanic's merits - or absence of same - was this offering: "I have yet to come across an intelligent person who truly enjoyed the movie."
That's what the Titanic bashers really seem to key on: The historical accuracy is dodgy, the story is simplistic, the characterizations are shallow (note to Titanic cultists: those are their words, not mine) so, therefore, the movie ought to sink to a watery grave. Or at least not provoke the kind of emotional response that it does.
Hmm. Love it or hate it? Isn't there any room in the middle for us "just-thought-it-was-pretty-good" types?
Dennis Kucherawy, spokesman for Famous Players theatres and utterer of the Lawrence of Arabia quote, says Titanic is the first film of its kind for those too young to remember Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara.
"This really is the first epic film of this nature for this generation," Kucherawy says.
But Benoit sums it up better, I think, when he says Titanic is, essentially, a retooling of Cameron's 1984 sci-fi hit The Terminator.
"It's a man who remakes a woman, and makes her go on to carry the torch."
Which would make the Titanic's sinking a cinematic metaphor for Arnold Schwarzenegger's menacing robot.
Hmm. I like that. In fact, I think I'll go see it again.
More Artists
